Ask Rhonda: Loaning Money To A Friend?
Dear Rhonda,
One of my closest friends asked to borrow money from me. It’s not that
I can’t afford it, but I have a feeling that I will never get it back
and I don’t want to end up hurting our friendship and resenting her
for it. But, if I don’t give her the money I am afraid that she will
end up resenting me for not giving it to her. What should I do?Sincerely,
Shawna
Dear Shawna,
It sounds like you’re screwed either way, so at least be screwed with
your money in tact. If she was a close friend, she would have known
better than to ask you for money (you seem a little tight and a true
friend would know that about you). And lets be honest, if she really
was your “nearest and dearest” you wouldn’t even be asking me what to
do. You would fork over your first born for a true friend.
It sounds to me like your relationship with her is as close as a
bastard’s to his “legitimate” half siblings. With that in mind there
is only one solution; LIE. Tell her that times are tough, you wish you
could help her and that it kills you that you can’t. My bet is that
she distances herself for a few weeks while she overcomes the
rejection (and preys on someone else) and that your “fringe”
friendship is back on track by the end of the month. And one last
note… buying her the meal over which you tell her “no” is completely
optional, but highly recommended. In the future, I would consider
bitching about your finances more in social situations so that you
don’t have “meal ticket” written all over you.
Mazal tov,
Rhonda
Send your questions to rhonda@doversworld.com
Tags: Ask Rhonda
RDover — March 5, 2009 @ 8:12 pm
Well, I just have to say that a similar thing happened to me and a couple of my friends and Rhonda could not be any more right on this one! If friends or family ask for money for any reason at all, either give it willingly with the thought that you will never see it again and consider it a gift, or do what I would do - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
RD
Katrina — March 17, 2009 @ 3:30 pm
I totally disagree.
If this person is truly a “friend” then don’t you think that friendship is more important than mere money? I’ve had friends loan me money (yes, they always got paid back), and I NEVER asked unless it was a time of extreme need. People all over spout how important your “friends” are, then advise to not give them a dime no matter how important their needs are. Doesn’t make sense to me. Years ago I asked a “friend” for a modest loan less than $1000 — this is friend who I’d given lovely presents to each birthday, etc., we’d known each other for years — she said she couldn’t. Her “rule” was to never loan $$ to friends. Then she proceeded to spend $17,000 (!) re-doing her bathroom.
Yep, that sure showed me how important I was in her life! Friends should ALWAYS be more important than money. If you make a loan and don’t get it back, then you also know THAT person is not really your friend…because friends pay back friends.
Money has far too much importance in this society — and yet recent events have shown us it can all be gone in an instant. A true friendship should endure forever.
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