Hi Rhonda!

 Exactly a year ago  today, my boyfriend of three years cheated on
me (with an unattractive woman, for the record). I now have some
issues with intimacy, but I find that he doesn’t initiate because he
is afraid of my reactions.  The thing is, its only really arousing to me
when he takes the lead and starts everything.  I’ve come out and just “said
something” to him about it, but it doesn’t seem to work. He complains
that we don’t have sex enough, but his initiation is the issue, and a
frank conversation didn’t seem to work. Any other tips for either
helping me be okay with starting things off, or another way to get
through to him?

Thanks

Notin Thesac

Dear Notin,

You’re complaining that you don’t have enough sex; he’s complaining
that you don’t have enough sex; you told him that you want more sex
and even told him how to get it from you, yet he goes to some ugly
girl to get it? Not for nothing, but somethin aint right with this
story (and yes I said “aint”! A story this tragic deserves similar
English).

When you say he is afraid of your reaction when he initiates sex, I
must confess that I am actually afraid to even think of what that
means? What could you possibly do that is so frightening (or
disgusting) that makes sex with you revolting? Is it gas? Muscle
spasms? Twitching? Do you throw punches or do you kick uncontrollably
when you are nude and arroused? Do you suffer from sexual turrets?

I hate to say it, but this is more than just a sexual initiation
problem. While ugly girls are notoriously more aggressive sexually
(not a scientific fact, just based on Rhonda’s life experience), he
still had to “initiate” to let her know that he was available and open
to the possibility of sex. So initiation is not his problem…You are.

What I find interesting is that he doesn’t want to have sex with
you, yet he continues to stay with you. So on a positive note, all the
signs point to the fact that he loves you (or you have money). My
suggestion would be to find out what it is that you do in bed to
completely and utterly turn him off and KNOCK IT OFF immediately.
Whatever your issue is, including the ones I mentioned above, it can
be researched and cured with a good Google search. Good luck.

Best,

Rhonda=