Ask Rhonda - Sister Problems
Dear Rhonda,
I have a huge dilemma. My sister who I love dearly is a slut. Yes, she goes out with numerous men and sleeps with all of them even on the first date! I am concerned not only for her safety but also for her mental stability. Is this normal behavior or is she having a mid life crisis? She did turn the BIG 4-0 this year. But don’t single women who have mid life crises typically buy sports cars or extravagant jewelry, not take home different men each night? How do I tactfully tell my sister that this behavior isn’t good for her and that she should settle down with just one nice guy?
Sincerely:
Monogamous
Dear Monogamous,
Before I get to your actual question, which is really a question about communication between you and your sister and not about her open-leg policy, I feel it my duty to enlighten you a bit. These are a few important points that I felt the need to share as I ready your letter.
1) The definition of a “slut” is relative. Paris Hilton and Hanna Montana probably have very different definitions.
2) There is no such thing as a “typical” midlife crisis. If you have means, you may choose to use money to make you feel better. If you don’t have the means you may use your muffin to make you feel better. In my experience it is usually a combination of both.
3) A highly utilized muffin does not lead to mental illness or instability*
4) “Settling down with one nice guy” sounds a bit like the “picket fence” dream. Just make sure you are not projecting your hopes and dreams on others.
5) Calling people sluts is not very nice.
Now that that is out of the way, lets get down to business. I can tell by your letter that you can be a bit of a judgmental little bitch yourself. And lets be honest; sometimes a slut is more fun to be around than a bitch (just some food for thought). You clearly love your sister, so my answer to your question is to work on your communication and delivery skills so that your message is not muddled by the delivery. Try something like this. Sit her down and ask her questions. Maybe ask her if she is happy? Making accusations and judgments will get you nowhere fast. Which of these two scenarios would you respond better to?
1) How are you lately? Are you happy? You know I love you and am always here for you if you ever want to talk. You are such a smart and attractive woman, but I sometimes worry that your big heart and trusting nature will get you in trouble. You know there are lots of creeps out there. You deserve one special guy to treat you like a queen.
2) Why don’t you act your age, settle down with a nice guy and stop acting like a slut. I hate that I have to worry about finding you dead in a dumpster.
I hope that my not-so subtle way of making a point helps you find a more subtle and loving way to let your sister know that you care.
Best,
Rhonda
*Rhonda has no medical training or expertise. Her views are not verified by any governing body whatsoever.
